Friday, April 23, 2010

Am I a disappointment?

It's game time again! I have so many of these that I need to pick and choose which to do every week! I think I might be addicted to blog games... Think they have a BGA? (blog gamers anonymous?)

Okay here's my confessions for the week:

  • I do want to be like those girls on tv... even if it's an unhealthy dream....
  • I wish I were a better blogger, I wish I had more followers, and I realize that not everyone can have a million followers.... but it would be nice to be one of those bloggers...
  • I get made fun of for being afraid of butterflies all the time. Why? I don't make fun of you for being afraid of spiders.
  • Some days I just want to fight someone. Not verbally, physically. I don't like violence and I feel terrible if I hurt someone. I just like fighting.
  • I think that I deserve better than most of the people I'm surrounded by. Does this make me conceited?
  • I really wish my mother would stop blaming her cancer on everyone... It's not like we could have done anything to prevent it.
  • I realize that she's just hurting and doesn't know where to put her feelings, but some days I hate her for it.
  • I have terrible grammar and I'm very self conscious of it.
  • I didn't realize how dumb that sounded until I said it.
  • I'm celebrating being clean of drugs for 1 year next month (well, I still smoke pot but honestly it's mostly for my depression)
  • I'm really excited about it, but I can't even share it with my family. (They're completely clueless)
  • It freaks me out that I lived with 4 other people and no one saw it.
  • For 3 years.
  • My mother just found out that I've drank before. (I'm only 19, need to be 21 here in the states) and she's so proud of herself.
  • I'd never tell her I've been drinking since I was 12....
  • My father told my mother the other day that he doesn't talk to me because I'm to negative of a person. (They didn't realize I was at the bottom of the stairs trying to call up to them)
  • It honestly broke my heart. I always thought he just wasn't a talkative guy... Thanks Dad.
  • Mother's day is coming up and Mom says that she doesn't want anything. But if we don't get anything for her, she's gonna be a bitch for 3 days...
  • And then next time we get into an argument she'll bring up the fact that I couldn't even be bothered to get her a gift.
  • My family has successfully ruined every holiday of the year for me. I don't even want to celebrate my birthday anymore.
  • I cry every night between thanksgiving and Christmas because I don't have the money to get gifts for my family.
  • They always say that they don't care, but I still feel like a terrible person.
  • I don't feel safe here anymore.
  • I don't feel safe anywhere anymore.


  1. That was seriously the saddest Glam Confessional I have ever read :( But totally honest, which is the point, right?. Kudos on being drug-free!

  2. **HUGS** that was sad. No wonder you're depressed. I honestly do not care if you give us a gift or not. Quite honestly, I think we get too many. We really don't need so much STUFF. Congrats on one year, I'm proud of you <3

  3. If they do have a BGA I need to enroll! :)

  4. I'm pretty sure most of us feel like we have disappointed our parents at sometime. I know just what you mean about not feeling safe anywhere. Comes from having zero support at home where everyone should be safe. I hope life gets better for you. I think one day you will look back and be so impressed with yourself and what you have done all by yourself. You can do anything, it might be hard but you have to be the one person that you can depend on. If you aren't then you really are alone.

  5. Congrats for being drug free for a year. That is awesome.

    Have you ever thought of kickboxing? I have. Hahha. Or at the very least a punching bag.

    I am afraid of moths, the bigger they are the worse it is.

  6. Aaah. I'm so glad you played! Parts of your confessional just broke my heart, but I want you to know you're not alone in your feelings...honestly, if I hadn't moved out of the house when I did, I'm sure I would have gone crazy. Me and my fam just don't mesh. They don't get me, don't seem to like me much, blah, blah, blah (which is totally crazy because I'm super adorable, right?) Anyway. Sometimes you can feel like a stranger/outcast in your own home. It sucks, but sometimes that's just how it is. Congrats on being drug-free, that is awesome! And weird how people we live with can go on with their lives never even knowing. I struggled with bulimia/anorexia all through my teenage years, and my fam had no idea. When I finallyl told my mom, she was like, "Are you just telling me this to get attention? What do you want me to do about it?" Aaah, sweetie. If I were there I would give you a big hug. It will all be okay...promise :)